


In Which a Unicorn is Not Virtuous

by Exultation_of_the_Gryphon



Series: Severus Snape is not Dr Doolittle [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Animal Attack, Bathroom Sex, Bestiality, Bottom Snape, Caught in the Act, Consensual But Not Safe Or Sane, Embarrassment, Euphemisms, Fertility Issues, Forbidden Forest, Forest Sex, Hand Jobs, Harassed Snape, Horses, Infertile Malfoys, M/M, Mating Season, Oral Sex, PWP, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Potions Masters, Potions to fix those issues, Semi-Public Sex, Sex with Sentient Animals, Sexy Times, Size Difference, Threats of Violence, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, Unicorns, Virgin Snape, acquiring potions materials, all around, black unicorn, cloven hoofed and bearded unicorns, ha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-08
Updated: 2015-03-08
Packaged: 2018-03-16 23:56:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3507416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Exultation_of_the_Gryphon/pseuds/Exultation_of_the_Gryphon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And there is no maiden. </p><p>When Severus Snape went out into the woods to get away from the crazies up at the castle, he would never have guessed that a violent encounter with a wild animal might end up like this. </p><p>Rare slash pairing. Look at the warning inside before reading.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Which a Unicorn is Not Virtuous

Mature Rating for Porn, people.

 **Warnings** \- this contains a great deal of smut/porn between a man and an animal. Also, use of many different slang words for a man’s estate. Tried not to use the same work twice, just for kicks and giggles. Read at your own peril.

And as you have been warned, **do not read if you are tempted to flame**.

 

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**  
In Which a Unicorn is Not Virtuous **

Snape was enduring a dreary day. He was harassed by inquisitive Slytherins, beset by aggressive Heads of Houses, and baffled by the mysterious and ever-eye-twinkling Dumbledore everywhere he skulked today from the tips of tall towers to the depths of the dungeons. So he took himself to the Forbidden Forest under the pretext of gathering various materials.

Dumbledore’s eyes had shone and sparkled most frighteningly but he merely smiled as Snape skedaddled out of the castle and into the woods.

It was far more peaceful in the Forest. He remained alert for changes in birdsong and scuffles in the underbrush but largely being out and isolated was refreshing to his wearied soul.

Shortly before sunset, but long after the Forest had grown dark and gloomy he saw a rare sight.

Emerging from where it had been screened nearly entirely from sight by brambles, there stepped a unicorn from out of the gloom and onto the path. He gaped in astonishment but even in his awe and delight had the sense to keep any vocal expressions of surprise to himself. But in his shock, his foot came down heavily and the unicorn’s long head whipped around.

Like a deer, it froze when it saw him. Nostrils flared as it scented for him and its eyes widened, exposing the whites in fear. It tensed all over, ready to spring away. Snape’s keen eyes could see the muscles trembling in its neck under the black hide. Snape remained absolutely still as he observed the unicorn - A black unicorn! - and the two remained in a deadlock for several minutes.

It was very young, just barely an adult, Snape observed. The hairs that feathered its chin were short and sparse, not yet a proper beard and its horn was entirely straight, without any of the beadlike curves found in adults. One grew each year, when the adults grew back their horns after shedding them just after breeding season. He could see when its fear turned to aggression, characteristic of young males. Its lips curved up and the unicorn bared its teeth, arched its neck and sidled a bit to show more of its body in an effort to appear larger.

He remained still, showing no threat. Male unicorns could become aggressive easily but without farther provocation would usually leave without attacking. This one grew bolder and stomped and gnashed its teeth at him. It drew closer, snorting and lashing its tail. He stiffened farther. If he ran he would be chased down and gored.

It came within arms reach and his heart hammered in his chest. For all that the unicorn was young and lightly built it was a massive brute, its shoulders were on level with his and when it stretched its neck up and glared down at him in a farther attempt to intimidate its massive head was well above his. His breathing was hampered by fear now and he attempted to swallow. His mouth and throat were bone dry though and his breath rasped in his chest.

The beast reared up suddenly and smacked him hard with a strong foreleg, knocking him to the ground. It came down with a seemingly earth shaking thud, cloven hooves on either side of his head, shining like silver claws in their unnatural bio-illumination. He lay breathless under the equine at its head came down and it stared at him, nostrils flaring as it snarled and snorted at him, the hoof to his right clawing at the loam, filling his own nostrils with the scent of sweaty herbivorous animal and dirt. He stared the animal straight in the mouth, massive tombstone teeth champing between the thick pink and black lips that curled in scorn. The nostrils seemed like black holes set in that long face and the dark eyes above them were illuminated from behind with unholy fire, black as the night. Its ears curved upwards in sharp silhouettes like devil’s horns against the darkening sky. It stared at him for an eternity; eyes locked on his and that eye contact seemed the only thing stopping the brute from tearing him to pieces.

It hesitated as he remained still, shifting its weight from hoof to hoof over him. It made as though to draw away at last and his tiny gasp for breath (for the leg had hit him in the chest) startled it again. He hated himself in that instant, betrayed by his body. Its desire for life, for breath, may have just betrayed him to his death at the teeth, hooves, and gleaming horn of the deadly unicorn standing over him. It snorted again, but finally seemed to be calming down. Lifting a leg to step away, it paused and looked back down at him. It planted its feet again and brought its head low and snuffled at him. He could feel the whiskers brush over his face as it investigated his hair. He wondered- in the part of his mind that was not gibbering in fear or telling him to _stay still, stay still_ \- if it was trying to figure out the plant scents in his hair. He used a potion or, rather a salve made from a potion, to render it fireproof and it would smell strongly of plants to a horse, he imagined.

The venturesome nose pressed against his neck, the soft hair brushing against his pulse for a moment before it lipped at his collar. He could hear it moving over him, but his eyes were closed in humiliation. His body, reacting to his terror and the sudden introduction of soft touches, was becoming sexually aroused.

It nosed down his body and discovered this fact. He opened his eyes to discover the unicorn had reversed itself over him, a hind foot planted near his head and its fore hooves on either side of him just past his hips. Its head was positioned over his groin as it sniffed deeply, and on every exhale he could feel the wash of hot air through his pants and it farther excited his rebellious, traitorous body.

That one semi-rational part of his mind reminded him that unicorns were terribly curious. While that usually meant that female humans could attract them, there were a handful of stories in the Wizarding world of boys being, well, the stories wouldn’t say sexually assaulted, now would they? A unicorn sexually assaulting someone? Why, they wouldn’t be believed. No, those boys were said to have tempted and seduced the unicorns.

It was a fact that some Potions Masters would use young employees to gather pieces from unicorns. Just after breeding season, unicorns were more docile and could be drawn in with kind words and (this was important) non-malicious intentions for scratching, a good combing, and help removing that itching horn. He had heard that male unicorns could even be brought to arousal and jerked off to collect fresh semen, which was used to create some of the most powerful fertility potions known to man. (Hadn’t he heard that the Malfoys were discreetly looking for one?)

He hadn’t heard before that unicorns could be attracted to men, and –Oh god! The unicorn was lipping at his erection through his pants! He whimpered and the unicorn twitched above him. It looked back at him. It would have presented a funny sight, looking back at him with its head upside-down between its forelegs. Or it would have if its sharp and very pointy looking horn had not just grazed his vulnerable package!

He swallowed and it was very loud. The unicorn snorted at him and went back to salivating over his manhood, worrying it with a very gentle grip between those massive teeth. He couldn’t help the whines and keens that slipped through his clinched teeth. It had been so long since anyone had even given him a hand job and now his pocket pet was luxuriating in a firm grip with hot breaths and thick saliva damping and warming its confines. His eyes rolled as it was pulled sideways just a bit, forcing his trousers (and his silk boxers, now wet and warm) to slide over his prick.

This eye roll brought his gaze upwards for a moment and his eyes squeezed shut before he looked back again. Was that?

Oh. Gods. The unicorn was turned on by its tormented victim. He could see the large horse dong swaying very slightly under the shifting animal. It was fully out of its sheath and he could see the silver cum glowing in the shadow of its body as it beaded on the blunt head.

He was turned on outrageously under the animal’s assault and now he was thinking of money? Why was this his life?

He stared at the swollen equine pecker. Every drop of cum from a unicorn was worth dozens of Galleons. A potion made from just a few would be worth hundreds. He wanted to touch the unicorn’s pretty pink penis. He wanted to jerk it off and collect its cum in a bottle. He happened to have several bottles in his bag which he had dropped when the unicorn had attacked him. He carried all sorts of things when he was collecting ingredients. Where was it, where was the bag?

Within reach and he thanked every god he could think of (which was not very many given that the semi-rational part of his mind was distracted by money while the rest was caught between terror (because a wild animal that he was sure was going to kill him minutes ago had his very tender love muscle in its mouth) and wild arousal (because a very rare and special wild animal was sucking on his long neglected and very happy little waist weasel). He slowly drew the bag closer and the unicorn paused and stared at him.

He wanted to cry. Was it going to run away? Stop sucking his meatsicle? No, it ignored him and went back to licking his groin like a salt lick. Thank god. He felt the cold glass of a bottle at his finger tips and his eyes widened as the unicorn shifted. It moved so its shlong was directly over his face. The silver droplet he had watched gather dripped onto his face and it glowed there, just under his eye, very distractingly.

He managed to finger the bottle into his hand at last and drew it out. He checked and nearly sobbed in relief to see that it was empty. This next step would be tricky. How was he going to get his hand on the unicorn’s massive heat seeking moisture missile? How was he going to do it without making it stop playing with his joystick?

Better still, could he unzip his trousers and let the beast suck directly on his mushroomhead?

He abandoned the bottle next to his body and snaked his arm down to his hips. The equine snorted again and pulled back slightly as the man unzipped his trousers, reached in and pulled the trouser snake free from its prison. The horse huffed as Snape pulled his hand back and it eyed the pale sprout that had been revealed in the parting of its prey’s dark pelt. It snuffled over the one-eyed snake and Snape gasped in exquisite pleasure as its hot mouth surrounded the soft-skinned flesh flute.

The unicorn shifted and Snape felt as though they had just shared a thought wavelength. He reached up and the unicorn squatted awkwardly to bring its dork in reach. His hand grasped the unicorn’s flared love rod. The hot skin moved smoothly over the stiff muscles within and he jerked on the unicorn’s fifth leg with glee as the unicorn sucked hard on his happy little soldier.

It snorted and wuffled urgently and the cock in his hand started to drip more frequently. His very distracted mind finally realized that the unicorn was about to cum and he raised the flared mouth of the bottle to the head of the meat stick in his hand. The unicorn thrust into his hand for the first time and spurted thick splashes of glowing silver cum into the glass bottle. He noticed that it had thoughtfully taken its mouth off his tender flesh before it blew its load and was grateful. There was a good chance the creature might have bitten down and he would have had to say goodbye to his faithful old boy. As it was though, he had a bottle of some of the most valuable fluid in the world (that could be gathered in Britain), a very deviant hard-on, and a unicorn that was determined to return the favor. He just managed to put the seal back on the bottle before he dropped it. The suction on his flesh wand now was more than he could endure without a good handhold and he groped in the darkness and found the equine’s bony ankles.

He keened into the night as the unicorn slurped up the cum when it shot out of his fire hose. His poor donger was quickly becoming too sensitive as the masterful suction continued. His fingers brushed against the horse-like cheek and the creature leapt off him like a panicked grasshopper.

It galloped away and he was left sticky and sweaty lying on the forest floor. He was dazed at the sudden change and a cool breeze made him realize that the unicorn had put off heat like a furnace. He shivered as the wind ran ice-cold fingers across his limp and very wet sausage. With shaking hands he tucked himself away and zipped up. He rolled over and slowly got to his feet, trembling as he recovered from both fear and doubtless one of the best orgasms of his entire life.

He picked up the bottle and made sure it was well cushioned in the bag before he slung it over his shoulder, cast a point me spell and slunk back to the castle. Thankfully he encountered no one at all before he could hide away in his rooms.

Several days later he was convinced it was one of the best things that had ever happened to him in his entire life as he sold the Malfoys a couple of different fertility potions (one for men and another for women) for just over a thousand Galleons.

A couple of days after that he ran into the same unicorn and became convinced that this was the new best night of his life. Over the next few months Snape realized he had a fantastic new sex partner, discovered the unicorn loved blow jobs too, and made so much money he could have retired but didn’t because the unicorn lived in the Forbidden Forest and Hogwarts was the best place to live if you wanted to fool around there.

Instead he hired someone to grade and tutor the lower years until he could show Dumbledore how much better that worked and got the school to fund it while he focused on the more interesting upper years and his own personal research.

He managed to keep his relationship secret for nearly two years before McGonagall had caught him in the Staff Bath (located on the ground floor, rarely used despite its opulence because all the staff rooms had been modernized with in suite bathrooms) with the unicorn as he lay on a transfigured bench that allowed him to suck the unicorn while it sucked him. Steam wafted around the room and water was raining down on them both. He had set the stage for a good hot bath for both of them after a mutual blow job and shower and had been happily working away on the unicorn’s sweet tasting yogurt gun (with an empty bottle nearby of course) when he noticed the unicorn stop and pull off Snape’s swollen knob.

He had wondered why. When it fixed its gaze over its shoulder and stiffened he had cast his eyes up and was dismayed to see the elderly Assistant Headmaster (Head of Gryffindor and resident Transfiguration Master) staring at him. She was in a very short, thin bathrobe that gave a surprisingly sensual look to her aging body while he was naked, had a large animal very obviously sexually servicing him, and had a big fat cock in his mouth. It was not the best day (or look) for either of them.

Fortunately she was too embarrassed to say anything and could not meet his eyes (or he hers) for months.

 

 

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 _Written on March 8, 2015. 2,725 words._  
Because there is clearly not enough Harry Potter (non-dog) bestiality.  
Enjoy. Comment. Be appalled. Comment.

_But please do not leave a flame. There really is not much point to it. I will delete it with much snark and Snape will disapprove of your dunderheaded attempts to validate yourself because you cannot write silly porn yourself like this yourself but still take the time to read it._

_So there._


End file.
